My little heaven

Firstly, I want to tell you that I love you. I love the way you laugh, the way you show concern about me, the way you hold my hand, the way you comfort me and the way you love me back. Never in my life would I have dared to hope and imagine that I would meet someone like you so soon. While I was trying to figure myself out, building up my walls and enjoying my singlehood so much, you came along at such an unexpected timing. You navigated through my bewildering depths, always believing that there was something more and you wanted to find out more. Thank you for never giving up in breaking down my walls again even though I desperately try to build them up. Thank you for allowing me to trust someone so much once again and to just let myself fall.

I know that on some days, I may pull away from you subconsciously, even though I crave your touch so much. This is a reflex of mine, I cannot help it and I know that it hurts you a little. But please give me some time to open my heart and fall into your embrace once again. You are the safe heaven that I know I can always turn to. You are like the home which exists in a person, and I know that you will always be here for me. I wouldn’t have survived this sem without you, darling. I really enjoy our outings, long night talks and study sessions together. Even when we are not talking, your presence in the room is enough to make me feel fulfilled.

I am really blessed to have met you, my hedgehog. I won’t let go of you because you are my person.

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Back.

This entire semester has been really long yet short. Some days, I feel like time drags by, and that this agony will never end. But looking back, it only felt like yesterday when the sem had just started. And here we are, already on the last week of school. I’m not sure whether I should be feeling euphoric about this.

It has been 3 months. How did we even survive 3 months of not talking? Our superficial short phrases has replaced the deep conversations that we used to have in the past. We were such close friends then, but what happened? Even though midway through the sem, I accepted that I should not be caring about people who couldn’t care less about me, it still makes me feel sad that our friendship is so fragile. Yes, on some days I do feel anger. Angry that you trusted me so little, angry that you stood on their side instead of being impartial about the incident, angry that you made no efforts to try to salvage our friendship over these 3 months, angry that you took friendship as something so superficial – that you could discard at will and replace with newer ones.

Over these 3 months, I have changed. I became someone who accepted that I did not need friends who did not value me. I found out who my true friends were. I helped those in need, gave advice to friends and sat with them in their most vulnerable moments. I started to believe in the existence of god. I fell in love so deeply that I didn’t know it was possible that somebody could make you so happy with their presence alone. I know that you may not have been used to this change. But I love myself now. Somebody who isn’t as affected by what other people think, and I’m making time for the people and things who are truly important to me. I value them because they value me. But somehow, I wish I still had you, my bro, to share these happy moments with. As I feel overjoyed, I still feel sadness and the emptiness in my heart that I cannot share this joy with you. I would have imagined how you would tease me but give me invaluable advice. I would imagine you protecting me all this while. Now, I can no longer feel your presence and it truly saddens me. If this is how you really think of me as a person, I must say that I am really disappointed in you. I thought you would have understood me more after a year. In the end, you still chose to be selfish and cared only about your pride.

I think what makes it saddest is that, I have given up trying to get this friendship back.

 

Looking Back

It is these moments in my life; when I stumble upon an instagram post from someone I used to be close to, that makes me reminisce those past memories.

It is really funny how time spares no man. How friendships can slip past our fingers so easily. Once it was so precious to us, yet today they are no where near the top of our priorities. As we get on with our daily lives, do we stop to look back and think of all the friends whom we have lost contact with? Do we wonder how they are doing? Will they even remember us?

I guess its a good and a bad thing that nothing lasts forever. It teaches us that every moment is fleeting, and that’s why we hold on to what we have now tightly. Occasionally, we meet new people; some with their own unique personalities, while others remind us of the friends we have once lost. Their personalities and actions can be so similar, yet they are different individuals. I guess these new people come into our life to help us remember who we have lost, and remind us again to treasure who we have right now.

That being said, we should always live in the present, such reflective moments of the past can only be done for a short while. We should never let the past hold us back. That’s why I have left such a moment to a single blog post, and shall resume studying for finals now.

 

Kai Lin 🙂

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

-J.R.R Tolkien, Lord Of The Rings

Just So You Know, There’s More To Life Than Falling In Love — Thought Catalog

smcnultyyLove is amazing — we all know that. It’s maddening, deep, and profound. To quote Moulin Rouge, “Love is like oxygen. Love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is Love.” Except…it’s not. And it doesn’t have to be. And we need a lot more than just l-o-v-e. So often love is the…

via Just So You Know, There’s More To Life Than Falling In Love — Thought Catalog

POP LOOOO

Last week was a hectic one because it was the Passing out Parade for the 02/16 batch of BMT graduates !!! Surprisingly, all my close male friends belong to this category, so I was quite lucky ^^ still, it would have been better if they had all POP-ed on the same day, so I didn’t have to attend 3 different parades and watch the marching ceremony over and over again. >,<

Still, no regrets as this is probably the only time I will get to attend POPs due to the fact that I have no brothers and I’m forever lonely and single (sobs) 😥

It would have been impossible not to smile and be excited when watching this sea of green move across the parade square, as the nation is reminded of why we advocate conscription and that the sons of Singapore are doing their part to keep our nation free 🙂 Being a patriotic citizen, I was immensely proud of my friends; knowing that they had been through so much tough training physically and mentally, then finally from Ah Boys to become Men!!! 😀

My dear friends, I hope that you have found yourself, forged new friendships and developed your mental strength during these 9 weeks. I definitely went through alot myself too, despite not undergoing BMT; but it was a relief to see you guys happy, well and healthy 🙂 It feels like we are all going through the same challenges, though in different aspects of our lives, and I take comfort in that I am not alone. I have decided to post the photos here, as I couldn’t have typed out such words on instagram, where everything is so public HAHAHAHA. The following photos are not posted in any particular order of importance:

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Being someone who is naturally uncomfortable with talking to members of the opposite sex, you guys are the rare few that I can actually open up to (be honoured kay). You guys gave me immense strength to face any difficulties in life, and I know that you will always be there for me, even though we might not talk very often 🙂

Following that, a few rare photos of ZEYU AND BITAO HAHAHAHA

 

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And definitely not forgetting my classmates who came down with me!!

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Once again, congratulations on your POP !! Stay strong and defend our nation with pride and glory. Meanwhile, us girls will have to start studying again T.T

Till we meet again,

 

Kai Lin 🙂

Back to blogging

Well it’s been a really long time since I last blogged, but I don’t have good news.

This week has been quite a hell week for me. Work is making me feel super stressed out, possibly because of it’s fast pace and a particular colleague that makes me dread work. Wanted to leave this week, but my manager requested for me to stay till the end of this month, as they are currently shorthanded. I felt bad to reject her, so I agreed. Kind of regretting it now. I really love the work at the clinic, my other colleagues, and the bosses are nice to me. Somehow, I just feel like I cannot put up with the working culture here. Don’t get me wrong, I love everyone, but I would prefer it if we were friends, and not colleagues. Felt like I let down so many people by quitting; but I guess for once, I want to be selfish and make myself happy. After all, it is the holiday and I should be doing things that make me happy 🙂

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