Thoughts (and an open letter to a friend)

Well so much have been on my mind lately, and today I am just super troubled by certain stuff I heard. So this post will be a post for me to affirm my stance on this issue and get on with life already.

Recently I read an article “Choose the lifestyle you want over the person you want”. If you asked me this 3 years ago, I would disagree vehemently and protest against all the arguments presented in this article.

Of course you should prioritize the person you want. Of course they should come first. Wouldn’t it be selfish to think of oneself before others?

Haha that was me 3 years ago. But I can proudly say, I grew up (?) Yeah, you might still disagree with me, but as I kind of indicated in my previous posts, you can only love others when you have truly learnt to love yourself. When you appreciate the beauty and strengths within yourself, you will then be able to affirm your self-worth, such that you no longer need someone else to do it for you. And with that, you become a stronger person, because no one can ever hurt you or bring you down by saying that you are something you’re not. You become a better person, because then all your time will be devoted to helping others find themselves, effecting meaningful changes in the world; and all the time spent by others when they self-indulge will be used by you to make a difference in another person’s life (whoever it may be). Ok, just bringing in the context, that wasn’t what I was going to talk about haha.

I am kind of glad that I went through those times. I am glad that certain people are no longer part of my life, and that they only existed for a few chapters in the book which pages I chose to tore away. I think it’s kind of bad to say this since they are now part of someone else’s life, being appreciated and loved all the same, yet I am actually quite glad to get rid of them. But that’s what a blog is for right? To lament and show my dark side muahahaha. Anyway, maybe it’s true when they say good things fall apart so that better things can come together. These few days have made me realise why what happened happened, that it was so that I didn’t have to suffer now. Thank you 🙂

To a certain girl friend, I really hate to see you losing your principles and personality over another person. Your personality has always been overwhelming to me, and you always expressed your opinions to the extent that I disliked it at times. Of course I never told you that. I think it’s just me, being always overly-sensitive and such. But I think I really feel the loss now  that I no longer hear that enthusiastic voice of yours and the strong protests you make when we discuss certain issues. To think I see (and hear that) you are willing to give in and agree with the opinions of someone else, I really feel troubled. I don’t know how I can help you, and I know no one else can. Except you. But the thing is, you are the insider. An insider will never be able to see things as they truly are, because things are different in your perspective. As an outsider like me, I finally see things in their truest form, things that I have not been able to realise when I was once in that circle myself. I have finally been able to see why my friends thought certain things about a certain person. I didn’t know it at first, all these years, but today, I think I finally see it.

I dont know your take on this, maybe you have a different stance and have already set your mind on it, and that is fine with me. I won’t be like the others, I won’t wish for you two to break up or anything, I just hope that you will be happy, no matter what decision you make. Haha you will probably never see this, and I won’t ever tell you these, because it’s just too weird to break it to you like this. Hopefully my readers won’t betray me and tell anyone about this too? 😉 Oh, and I wanted to share a quote with you I just saw on twitter : “In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it.” I found the quote relatable and I realised that I moved on long ago. I think I really really did. So don’t worry about me and make this decision on your own 🙂

Lastly, I hope you find the happiness you deserve, regardless of whether it is in that person, or not.

Kai Lin 🙂

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